Time-In, Practices for Creating an Awesome Life! Part 4

Reflective time or Time-In one of the seven vital wellness practices necessary to harness your brain to support you in designing and implementing an awesome life. Time-In is the practice of setting aside a period of each day, be it a minute, ten minutes, or throughout the day, for conscious and focused mindfulness. Mindfulness is the awareness of what is happening within you without attachment or judgement. There are sensations, thoughts, feelings, memories that arise, all of which you observe rather than actively engage with. Unlike other times where you follow thoughts, come to conclusions, choose an avenue of action, etc., during Time-In you observe what arises in your body and mind without following, fantasizing, or fixing. Out of the seven practices for creating a post-divorce life you'll love, Time-In is a cornerstone. Let's look at why Time-In is so critical for creating a rewarding next chapter of your life and a few ways of practicing it.

For the majority of us there are a rather small number of repetitive thoughts that circle round and round in our minds day in and day out. Without being aware of it, each of us weaves what we experience as "reality" through these few thoughts, the feelings that arise out of them, and the actions that we choose as a result of them. If we do not change how we think about the experiences we have we will feel the same way each time a similar situation comes up and take similar actions. The end effect of living this way is that we recreate the same or very similar scenarios over and over again without realizing our part in creating life showing up as it does. Without awareness it appears that the cause of our experience is "out there" rather than something we have a role in generating.

Time-In is the time you give yourself on a daily basis to intentionally focus your attention on the inner world of your mental, subjective experience.

Time-in is consistently providing yourself an opportunity every day to at first, simply observe the "inner dialogue" that goes on in your mind. This "inner dialogue" is the conversation you have with yourself about life in general, about who you are and what you are and aren't capable of, about the people you interact with, and the meaning and significance you give to your daily experiences. No one hears your inner dialogue but you. Once you become aware of this internal dialogue you begin to have the capacity to assess which parts of it are truly serving you as you create your world and which parts are constantly recreating a life with all too familiar pain and suffering. Practicing Time-In eventually gives you the opportunity to change your internal dialogue and in doing so, change your experience of life. How you respond to phenomena impacts what happens next and draws out different aspects of situations and the individuals with whom you are interacting.

I question if there has there been a time when our attention has been more drawn to the outer world. With smart phones we have a consistent barrage of notifications, communications, and information and with it all, infinite opportunities to externalize our attention. Without time dedicated to exercising our ability to gaze within the mindfulness circuits in our brains atrophy and we become progressively out of touch with who we are, what is deeply important to us, and how we impact our daily experiences. Keeping these inner focused circuits healthy is necessary for the development of wisdom, insight, and empathy. It is not enough to "know" information. Information is a random set of data bits which we can call upon for intelligent sounding conversation yet it is only with the ability to sort that information using logic, insight, and empathy that we are able to integrate it into how we live our lives in a way that improves our experience of being alive.

Without Time-In we sound "smart" and live "dumb".

One time tested way to practice Time-In is through a meditative practice of some sort. Meditation allows for the development of presence. Presence is the ability to be present with what is happening in the moment, let go of judgement, and focus instead on accepting life as it is rather than how we expect it to be. It is only when you know where you are that you can effectively navigate to where you want to go next. Presence allows you to discover where you are, what baggage you are carrying that is no longer serving you, and what you want to take with you as you create a new life.

Not only does a practice of mindfulness allow you to assess the efficacy of your reactions and responses to phenomena, it also "increases the level of telomerase, an enzyme in your body that maintains and repairs the life-preserving ends of your chromosomes. Building up your levels of telomerase supports you in being healthy and therefore living longer. When you focus your minds' attention inwardly you actually change the molecules in your body. You physiologically increase your well-being as well as develop the capacity to weave your life consciously and intentionally.

Time-In empowers you to approach rather than withdraw from challenging situations. Time-In allows you to feel greater meaning in and fulfillment from life. Meaning and fulfillment provides a sense of satisfaction with being alive. Think of a time in your life that was difficult. When you saw yourself as a victim of your circumstances how satisfied were you? Once you began to view the situation from the perspective of "What lessons are here for me to learn?" and "What opportunities are opening up in my life, whether I wanted them or not?" what happened to your suffering? While you may not have been happy about your situation it began to take on a new meaning, and through that new meaning opened up possibilities you continue to explore. Were you more satisfied with life as a victim or as an individual with an open albeit unknown and therefore insecure and understandably frightening road ahead?

For relationships Time-In and the mindful awareness it creates helps you to hear others from their perspectives with compassion and understanding. While their perspectives may not be yours you will be able to hear them, acknowledge them, and have empathy for them. When someone feels seen it smooths their edge, regardless if you "agree" with them or not. When you truly see someone from their perspective and are able to validate that they feel the way they do you open the possibility that that person may be able to "see" your perspective.

When you see each other's perspectives win-win outcomes become much more likely. No one needs to resist or argue in order to feel "heard" or be to "right".

The other today I came home to a sink and kitchen counter cluttered with dirty dishes. I was immediately aware and therefore mindful of anger and resentment arising within me. I asked myself where following anger and resentment would take me. The answer, to a reflection of anger and resentment from the individual who left the dirty dishes and to conflict. I reminded myself this this was not an everyday occurrence, that both of us had returned from a month away the day prior, and that the person in question had made me oatmeal that morning. I realized that I held some responsibility for those dishes as well as the pot of unfinished oatmeal. As I reached to turn on the radio to distract myself from the task ahead I became mindful of wanting my attention to remain focused rather than having my intellect stimulated by intelligent conversation or lovely music while my body was engaged with hot soapy water. I wanted to "be with the cleaning", not because it was right but because I wanted to be singularly focused and peaceful. The kitchen was clear and clean within 10 minutes max. I was peaceful.

Time-In can be a classic practice of sitting meditation using the breath or a mantra or an awareness of what you are thinking, feeling, and doing at any moment. Time-In is focused, conscious. and intentional. That's how you know if it is Time-In or not. Being aware of who you are being, what you are thinking, and creating that space between the thought and the thinker will allow you to create a wonderful life consciously and intentionally.

Post written by Lisa Brick

EMAIL LISA HERE

Founder at Power & Purpose Coaching

Partner: Journey Beyond Divorce Coaching

Learn how meditation is wonderful for kids:

Focus Time - Designing and Implementing an Awesome Now - Part 3

Multitasking be gone, or at least reduced significantly. Focus Time, concentrating on one thing for extended periods of time free of interruption or distraction, here we come! The last article in this series of "practices to prepare you for an enjoyable and productive now" was about sleep, and how necessary it is for brain growth. Sleep is not a waste of time! Are you ready for another myth buster? Multitasking does not make you more effective or efficient. Rather, focusing your attention in a continuous way for uninterrupted periods of time, or what Daniel Siegel calls "Focus Time" in his book Brainstorm, encourages the growth of the neural connections your brain makes when it has time to consistently absorb the information you are exposing yourself to. When you allow yourself Focus Time you stimulate brain growth. When you stimulate brain growth you are learning. As you allow your brain to learn you get smarter, not from the information you are exposing yourself to but from the different connections your brain makes in how to utilize that information in different situations under varying circumstances.

Everyone knows that a regime of consistent physical exercise leads to increased fitness of mind and body. The majority of people know the basic guidelines for eating healthy. Everyone knows that non-essential spending that leads to credit card debt is financially unhealthy. Knowing information yet being unable to integrate it into how you live your life isn't all that useful. You feel smart but live dumb. Training your brain to not only absorb information but connect it in ways that make it accessible to live out of is extremely useful. To sum it up, when you provide yourself regular opportunities to focus on one thing at a time for extended periods you optimize changes in your brain that are the basis for not only learning but integrating what you learn into how you live.

There is a tendency to attribute forgetfulness or the inability to retain information to aging. While changes as a result of aging do occur they can be easily confused with the impact of not fully concentrating on what you are doing. When you are not concentrating on new information when you study, where you put down your keys when you come home, what someone is explaining to you, etc. you are interrupting the very conditions that are necessary for turning what you are exposing yourself to into the synaptic changes in the brain that capture that experience into memory. Difficulty with memory may not be from aging at all but from constantly interrupting your brains ability to capture information by, regardless of what you were doing, randomly answering your cell phone, checking your email, the texts coming through, surfing the internet rather unintentionally, etc. The more you interrupt your focus the weaker your brain gets at being able to focus in an uninterrupted manner and retain what it needs to be effective. In a very real way you are scattering, rather than concentrating, your brain's ability to function.

This tendency for information to get scattered and therefore difficult to pull up can be reversed through giving yourself Focus Time. For those of us who are not currently studying in an organized program (college, graduate courses, professional education, etc.) some type of continued lifelong learning supports the brain to get and stay organized and grow again. Some examples of practices that support brain organization and growth are:

• learning a new skill (to play a musical instrument, an additional language, etc.)

• a book club

• a course at your local community adult education center

• a discussion group

• reading uninterrupted

• playing chess

• making something out of wood, clay, stone, etc.

• planning a garden

If we do not give ourselves Focus Time on a regular basis (consider a minimum of an hour a day) our brains stop doing what they were born to do, make new connections throughout life. With Focus Time you can not only prevent what we mistakenly think of as the inevitability of aging and "senior moments", you can also help your brain to become more flexible, adaptive, and capable! You can more easily live the information in your brain rather than simply knowing it. The more flexible, adaptive, and capable your thinking, the more you can actually retain, recall, and utilize the information you have been exposed to to creatively design and implement an awesome now.

Post written by Lisa Brick

EMAIL LISA HERE

Founder at Power & Purpose Coaching

Partner: Journey Beyond Divorce Coaching

Downtime - Improving Brain Function + Overall Well-Being - Part 2

Downtime is a necessity for optimal mental functioning during life in general and especially during the rough passages that inevitably arise. Downtime is short periods of time during the day set aside consciously, without goals or objectives.  During downtime there is nothing to do or accomplish of any import whatsoever. The idea of giving ourselves time off from responsibilities and accomplishing goals may sound preposterous when there is so much to do yet this is exactly what the mind needs to unwind and to give the brain space to sort itself out.  This is what downtime is, space to allow our brains to recharge their batteries and reorganize.

We forget that who each one of us is is a community of trillions of cells organized into systems within our bodies.  These cells have individual needs for well-being.  When we ignore those needs we diminish our potential and our ability to be as clear and effective as we can be when we attend to those needs.  Downtime is one of those needs, one often unrecognized and neglected.

Downtime need not be extensive.  Twenty minutes scattered throughout the day in small portions can be sufficient.  Giving yourself conscious permission to:

• turn away from the computer screen to gaze out the window for a minute,

• take 10 after a meeting to walk around the block,

• sit down to savor the warmth and flavor of a cup of tea without your phone or computer for 5,

• stop whatever you are concentrating on, close your eyes and focus on your breath for a minute, or

• excuse yourself from whatever to step outside and feel the elements (warmth of the sun, the wet of the rain, or the cold of the wind) on your skin for a few minutes.

The above activities are simple, achievable ways to give yourself downtime during the day. These sample activities, and any others you can think of where you have no goal or objective other than to be and see and feel what is physically around you, are downtime.

Downtime is not spacing out or daydreaming in the middle of a task. A wandering mind is disruptive to accomplishing goals and therefore disruptive to your life.  If you are finding yourself spacing out in the middle of conversations or in the midst of a project your brain is telling you it needs more TLC.  It is not getting the rest and relaxation necessary for it to function effectively.  Among other requirements like sufficient sleep, nourishment, and drinking enough fluids, your brain needs downtime to organize efficiently. Your ability to think creatively, clearly, and effectively will be boosted by inviting your brain to relax for short periods of downtime every day.

Everyone, including you, has the capacity to set aside fifteen or twenty minutes during the day to tune out the hustle and bustle, the necessity to accomplish, the never ending trying to figure out why, when, and how and to let the mind unwind and the brain reintegrate on its own.  By doing so you can reinvigorate yourself and return to your tasks renewed. Try it. You won't know the benefits you are missing out on unless you do.

Post written by Lisa Brick

EMAIL LISA HERE

Founder at Power & Purpose Coaching

Partner: Journey Beyond Divorce Coaching